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This is a true account of how alcohol took over my life and dominated my thinking and actions over many years.
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Sharp eyed visitors to this site may well notice the spots on my arms in the adjacent photo taken recently. This is a constant reminder of psoriasis which has also plagued me. If you have this disability have a look at my accompanying site on psoriasis |
I was brought up in a fairly normal working class home with my mom and dad and my two older brothers, namely Arnold and Dennis and during the whole of my formative years alcohol never played any part in the family’s household routine save for the odd occasion when my dad would go with relatives to the local pub for a drink and festive occasions when there might be a bottle of whisky in the house. None of my family would be called drinkers and I never witnessed any drunken behaviour in our home, in fact on reflection I would say that neither my dad nor any other members of my family actually enjoyed drinking.
It was in this atmosphere that I left my school behind and took my place in the adult world where again I had no first hand experience of alcohol or alcoholic behaviour. My first experience was at a works party when I was given several drinks of gin and tonic but this did not seem to appeal to me particularly. Then when I was 19 I was called up for 2 years national service in the Army and decided to have a party before joining my Corps and for this I bought a lot of alcohol and became very drunk. However, this did not prove to be the start of the slippery slope as my drinking during my period in the Army was generally rather moderate except for a few nights out with the boys.
After my two years national service I returned to my job which was a fairly routine but not uninteresting one in an engineering office and I had been trained as an engineering draughtsman and I found an outlet for these skills. I quite enjoyed this work as I was left very much alone and to my own devices and had quite a lot of responsibility for a young man of 21. The money however was poor as I was working in a small family business here in Birmingham. I didn’t go out much and my only intake of alcohol was a few pints now and then and my interest was mainly in listening to traditional jazz. During my period with this firm they organised a party together with another branch at West Bromwich where a very attractive and pretty young girl from this other branch came over and introduced herself. She was vivacious and chatty and came from a middle class background quite different to mine.
Inevitably, we fell for each other
and we were married within a few months and had our first child a year later. I took to this new middle class world like a duck to water and soaked it all up like a sponge. My wages were very small still and we both became ambitious for a better life and I started a series of businesses together with my young wife, but it was not too long before it became apparent that I was useless at handling money and I was very unhappy with the pressure of running my own business and slowly I started to drink to ease the pressure and stress; at first it was a few Bacardi and Cokes and then it developed into more regular drinking even at lunch times.
I became completely impossible to rationalise with and always denied that I was not in charge of my own drinking habit and this escalated and resulted in two periods of disqualification for drink driving. At this time the drink was controlling me and I still would not accept it and maintained that I was not an alcoholic and became very aggressive on this issue. My wife had tried many times to remonstrate with me but to no avail as I was in the clutches of a dependence for alcohol. The outcome of course was that my wife asked me for a divorce and my family, three kids by then did not want to be part of my life and I became a very lonely and embittered person and continued to drink increasing amounts until one day I collapsed with a perforated duodenum and shortly afterwards I was rushed into hospital in a drunken comatose state from which I was unaware of my own being for several days and was diagnosed with severe dehydration and malnutrition. This did frighten me and the stay in hospital did dry me out and I decided that it was not a sensible thing for me to live alone and applied for sheltered housing and obtained a little flat. Things went well for about a year and then I relapsed into drink again and was being difficult with some other residents
I recommend this book
Who hasn't heard of Gordon Ramsay - the rough tongued dropper of F expletives all over the globe whilst entertaining everyone with his jaunts into numerous kitchens, showing off his cooking skills and scolding all those about him at the same time
The book Humble Pie is about Gordon Ramsay who started life as a poor Glasgow boy and later became a footballer despite the handicap of a father who was a constant drunk and a hindrance; Ramsay spent his young life being dragged from town to town by his hapless father and these stressful beginnings makes it an amazing achievement that he has ended up as a celebrated wealthy chef, a TV star and rowdy raconteur.
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Gordon Ramsay's Humble Pie
A thoroughly engaging and enjoyable book that I could not put down.
Alan Mannering
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At this time one of the wardens at my sheltered block called me in and offered me counselling and I was horrified at the thought and promptly refused but the next day I went back to her and asked her to arrange the counselling for me. I went along very dubiously but found that the counsellor was a very sympathetic and understanding and non judgemental person whom approached the process by a form of cognitive therapy or in other words the path was illuminated and it was up to me to find the way. I have had a relapse since but managed to stop drinking again.
My life is now so much better and I am fulfilling myself so much more without any muddled thoughts emanating from a bottle. I am not complacent and do not kid myself that it could not happen again but I have gained my self respect and my family have slowly rallied round me and life is so much different. I am still an alcoholic as I do not believe that one is ever cured and I realise that I am still vulnerable but I have come a long way and I do not wish to let myself down nor any of the people whom I love
Alan Mannering - January 2010
